Just before I killed the Cupid!

Look at you... finding your way into a love story! Well then buckle up!

A couple of months ago I was burning every thought of love from my space and life because I had stopped believing in it. I actually hated that word. Someone would say it to me and I would totally flip out concluding the story with, 'the world is too fake to figure out what love is!' My friends would introduce me to new people, or encourage me join dating sites – but I always felt so desperate doing this!  People were just shallow! My poems turned dark – they focused more on pain and I would define pain so beautifully you would want to marry it! I look back and cannot believe I gave too much of my time on the darkness.

Day 1

Things can really change! I met him in an official setting - I had been called to give a presentation about this and that; quite honestly I wasn't up for it. I dragged myself out of the office, sweet talking myself that I needed the fresh air and to meet new people. I do not like meeting new people - I hate small talk - I find it too stressful to keep up with the what do you do talks; too much PR. Everyone during small tallk is at their best, ‘I do this and that, and maybe we can work together bla bla bla’ This is my job though, I must love being fake!

I must admit though that he has one of those looks that can make a driver cause an accident! So he was easy to spot, he also seemed focus on what I was presenting - No part of me would dare imagine that he would be interested in a messed up girl like me.

The plan was, do my presentation, wait for our company's driver to come pick me up and go home! Well, everything was going well until my driver texted me that he will be coming late. At that point I had to relax and dance to the small talk. As I sat there - trying to catch up with what was being said - I could see him turning back every now and then - I didn't think much of it though - as far as I could remember his boss during my presentation mentioned about working together with my organization - all I could do was plan for the small talk, I knew it was business. 

The meeting ended and he walked my way, some small talk here and there- which always had me nodding in approval and maybe taking some notes because I easily forget things. Finally my ride to my sanctuary arrived. It was very professional, I almost forgot, I gave him an appointment to come to our office. 

Day 2

Sitting in my office, one of my colleagues comes and tells me that I have guests. I must point this out; do you have one those days you really have not put in any effort in your looks or dress code! This was one of those days; I had pulled out, what I would say my stay in work pants - as I knew my work load did not require me going anywhere. I walked out to meet these guests and I see him again - he looked good though! Oh my goodness how could I forget! I dashed to brief my boss about the meeting. At this point I started becoming nervous, all I wanted was the meeting to end and him to leave I avoided his eyes the whole time! Nobody that good looking would be allowed to see me on the second day looking like 'Ugly Betty!'

The day ended with photos! Everyone suddenly was interested in pictures to mark the partnership! The universe could not be more cruel. I had to take pictures of them and worse several with him! Those I requested to be taken with my phone so that I could delete them... but suddenly every one started requesting for their phones too! I couldn’t say no, my boss was extremely amused by our network that he requested I take pictures with him and post them! What kind of memory now is! 

Day Confusion

Things were going on well, I had actually forgotten about him until he texted me, it was very professional. This guy must have been a reader of books like; the art of war, art of power, art of seduction etc – he was so good at coming at me that I could not read his intentions – or maybe I am not as bright as I think I am!

Serious talks became very casual talks turned into getting to tell more about myself and suddenly I just became so confused about what I was feeling. My heart would race when his name popped up on the screen. He started becoming a topic in my discussions, making everyone suspicious!

"Damn Bella, I think the cupid has shot me!" I told my sister one Saturday morning as we lay lazily in bed!
He had sent me a picture of himself on the beach!  Now tell me, why the hell would anyone do that! 

"You are falling for him aren’t you!" she asked

"Damn thing did not even use arrows! It used bullets, oh my goodness – I am dying in worry!  I have become one of those nervous hopeless humans waiting for texts and hoping that he does feel the same way! I don’t even know if he feels the same way! Why me cupid?”

All she did was laugh.

Now - how the hell - did I end up here! I keet asking myself, falling for someone I connect with, through texts and calls. And this guy would charm me; I would hang up the phone then blush to myself! This cupid was not joking. I wanted to meet him again - not in the professional sense - but the other way that a poet would explore!

Then from connecting through phone calls - I wanted him to know me - Past the official names, the suits and pretense small talk the business world requires of me. I wanted him to meet me, to see me and I wanted to see him too.

Day falling...

Some say the universe unfolds as it should. I have let it have its way through me - I have let it crush me and pick me up again. Time passed and we were sneaking into hotel rooms, playing with pets and I was making his hair! Oh, he asked me if he can call me his girlfriend - I said yes! I sure feel like a child writing this! Alive I feel alive!

He says he liked me from the very first day he saw me... but here I am falling in love with him every single day. 

© Namatsi Lukoye