Namatsi - Hisia Ni Zangu

I felt the need to write and share my experiences with this monster called depression, who came with a beautiful face and took over two and a half years of my life. Before you proceed... kindly note that sympathy is not welcomed here, I only need you to understand what depression is through my story. To date most of the times I don't remember who I used to be before all that or how I would have interacted with people on a social basis. Healing is a process and I am finding pieces of me slowly. I am a Communication Officer for an organization which works for children with disability! which means that for most part of my day I will be interacting with stigmatized parents, children... suppliers other staff etc and without a proper emotional system. I don't remember actually how I found myself in house of self hate and destruction, I just did. Writing about it is not any easier than talking about it, though my counseling friend advised me to talk about it until all the pain...

Carry me on monsoons and hurricanes that beat me and wake me Carry me past hills to mountains and drop me so I may crush on rocks Kill me at any chance you got because I don't feel pain no more I should... I really should Stab me from the front when I see you doing it I promise I will not fight with you... at least I will see your face Or better yet send bandits in the midst of the night so they can beat me to death Kill me at any chance you got because I don't feel pain no more I should I really should One thing I ask you... don't lie about anything Be yourself don't even pretend to like me Tell me those things you say about me and don't feel guilty I can never fight back... never have never will Kill me at any chance you got because I don't feel pain no more © Namatsi Lukoye

She lives in a lie... in my world I only float in some wilderness in her eyes My only hope is that her eyes can see the truth my soul She would know that I should break no more I am not after lust... she should know that I am grown I am looking for things that make one strong… how I feel when in her arms But things like this should never be said... where I come from Its a sin that preacher said as he buried me in prayer But since when was love a sin She is perfect in every way... curve to curve, bone to skin Yet I am scared of everything about her even feelings that consume me... Are they little forces planted by the devil himself? I wonder where the gods were hiding... when she walked my way I just wonder whether I am being tempted? Or can I really find love in another woman My society wouldn’t like a poem like this… that’s why poetry is my deepest friend I still go to church… bend my knees, and cry not to feel like this I ask forgiveness for feeling this way But ...

honoured to be performing this poem at a friends wedding this coming Saturday... am so happy for them He was born in mars She was born in Venus But the pull of the earths gravity made their spirits one Like the power of the sun , I felt their passions burn And watched their love glow and grow Glow and grow He was her charmer She was the beauty of a rose He held her heart… yet she was his strength Painter of her world! Venus is such a mosaic they always say… And mars… well mars can be something else But in this race of life… I would rather be running with you Their eyes would say… even when the storm was caving in And when their hands touched they said Royalty, put on your crown and take your place Love me more… and more… and more Love me when I am young, when my skin is smooth and my hair is makes heads turn Love me when I age too… in my wrinkles and when I try to hide those grey hairs… Love me still Rhythm divine calm me from the dangers of the world… with a kiss...

Ever wondered why small children play with their parents phones as toys A game is just a key away, a world away Running away from this world in a couple of years the parent will say 'I don't know how to get through to him/her!' We are getting smartphones because our brains are sleeping... Our friends live on whatsup, twitter, facebook, and that's where we wanna be Those that make the effort to be there... we are too busy to notice as we chat away And most of the time... too busy sexting another man's woman or vice versa Staring at pictures, looking for likes and followers as if they will weep on our graves! Make time for your friends.... call them up! Don't let your friendship get lost in a machine! Oh and when you are with them.... enjoy every moment of the laughter and tears And when you get the urge to look at the phone... its time to go :) hehe Namatsi © Namatsi Lukoye