Namatsi - Hisia Ni Zangu

I pray for mothers and fathers I pray for their prayers and dreams in their children I pray for the spirit of the child I pray for hope © Namatsi Lukoye

Swimming in the sand pit of the hour glass of life The stream of sand is getting narrow Today I want to be a sparrow I want to fly without being noticed to skies of tomorrow For some reason today I have so much sorrow Yet I can’t point what kind of chisel is chipping into my heart of steal I don’t want to be woman today I don’t want to love with all my heart I cry like a child when broken I don’t want to be friend; let me be; my heart is weary I don’t want to be woman today My own body betrays me Once every month it creates its own stormy skies and I cry for no reason I don’t want to be anyone’s pillar; let me be; my soul is dry I don’t want to be woman today I hate this point right here! I love you yes, But I don’t want to hold your hand I don’t want to be anyone’s lover; let me be; my spirit wants to sleep I don’t want to be woman today I want to be free of razors! I want to love all the hairs on my body; on my legs and the two on my chin I don’t want to be

As per my previously confessed inspiration... I am Uneven I am drowning in the air of self defeatism Lost in the forest of a cocktailed criticism I have been forged into cynicism Because I feel that we have touched the heart of ugly capitalism My feet are tired, blistered from dragging on pretense communism My spirits swims in the waters of doubt And; tears of my heart gracefully meander down Life will always have its amazing race This feeling got me floating on wings of broken dreams My soul is haunted by future ghosts screams My pride is fed on untested lies-cream My ears ache from stories of troubles worse My heart curses the dreams laid in high pitched hearses As; tears of my heart gracefully meander down I tuck my face in my underneath lace Life will always have its amazing maze © Namatsi Lukoye

Twisted... locked in... blinded Into the mind of a slave I know it’s over But I wish it wasn’t I know that I need to move on But I insist I know, I see, I feel the hurt right to my soul But I pardon I believe he will change It is complicated I know you did that But I cover up mistakes I ignore the pain I hate the truth Funny thing is… it only hurts when my heart beats I feel dead, but, the pain makes me feel alive It is complicated © Namatsi Lukoye

I pledge my loyalty to the President and Nation of Kenya My readiness and duty to defend the flag of our Republic My life, strength and service in the task of nation building In the living spirit embodied in our National motto 'Harambee' and perpetuated in the Nyayo philosophy of Peace, Love and Unity. Thinking Moi’s dictatorship! As children we had to make the pledge! In our rags! With no shoes on! Bribed with milk (maziwa ya nyayo for staying so loyal) We recited the words out loud Religiously we recited at the school assembly Attention we stood when recited or else we would face the wrath of the cane! © Namatsi Lukoye

Out here alone in the shifting specks of dark Still as an undertaker, icy winds against my cheeks Drawing heavily from a cigarette That palliative for my troubled brain As the rolling mist now at it’s thickest Gathers as shadows at a deathbed Steeling myself as if for some memorable heroic act Twinning my fingers amidst moments of irresolution Hoping for a redeeming miracle while transfixed with indecision The momentum supposed to inspire suddenly evaporated! And like one who’s had a disheartening premonition Of a spirit-crushing defeat looming, I anticipate the worst Waiting for some inevitable collapse… I’ve wrestled with troubled dreams Yet my illusions remain intact And despite being close to tipping point often I’m still a fool of my own sentiment Seduced by vanity and as if thrilled by the regret That follows failure; I risk my desperately delicate self No severe change of heart from prior miserable experience A rising panic of frustration grips me